It’s all about honesty as I am really writing this because I need to get out of my mind and into complete surrender to God in this moment. In 2000 when I arrived here at the ministry that God gave me, I was in full swing of my addiction and in complete denial of who I really was because I didn’t want to deal with my issues. I snowed every leader in this church and every member as well and I can’t understand how God would allow an addict, selfish, religious spirit church player as I was to be a minister in His church. Fast Forward 7 years! I have come through about everything imaginable and God has knocked me out of my denial and my addictions and has been moving out of religion into a relationship. I am still a work in progress and as I write this I am in the valley, where I seem to be staying as of late. Which isn’t bad because that means God is working on me and growing me for His purpose and if I wasn’t in the valley that would probably mean that I am comfortable and totally engulfed in the world. As I write this I believe that God is moving me and my family out of the ministry here in PSL and into another ministry. So here is where I am at…I am in a place that I have served for 7 years and I am thankful to God for what He done here through me and for me and for some reason I don’t feel wanted here anymore. On the other hand I have sent resumes galore, made tons of phone calls and e-mails, prayed without ceasing, made myself available, done everything that God laid on my heart to do and I am not receiving any response from any other church…none. Now I have been having communion with God quite a bit in these last few weeks and in fact, I have talked, shared, cried, shouted, questioned, asked, wrestled, done everything with God more in these last few weeks with than I have in 29 years of life. God has taken away everything around me that I would normally try to use to control my situation, my feelings, or the like and even my cell phone is shut off…in other words…GOD HAS MY ATTENTION. I haven’t tried to numb my feelings; I have just gone to God. I have taken things back 20 times but surrendered them over again 21 times. I have prayed openly with Him and I have said that I will do whatever He wants from and I will be available for His will and I won’t question, I will just do. See I want to know the outcome of my life and God wants me to just trust in Him and that He knows what is better for me than I do. Surrender and Submission is where I am at right now as I right this…I have asked God for signs and He is not showing me anything so I will stay surrendered and submit to whatever He wants. I feel right now that God is distant but His Word says that “never will I leave you or will I forsake you”…so I believe that I am just being tested because He is preparing me for something and that He has a purpose for me but I will learn that in His timing and not mine. It seems that I take things back from God 20 times a day but I surrender them right over 21 times. I am constantly asking to change the focus of my thoughts and keep me out of my stinking thinking and He is…praise God. Actually now as I type this, I am thankful that I am where I am at because I am okay right now in this moment and I am thankful for the valley because it is helping me to grow…God uses the opposite of what I think could help me grow to grow me. Imagine that! Dear God, I have tried to do it all by myself on my own power, and I have failed. Today I want to turn my life over to You. I ask You to be my Lord and my Savior. You are the One and only Higher Power! I ask that You help me think less about me and my will. I want to daily turn my will over to You, to daily seek Your direction and wisdom for my life. Please continue to help me overcome my hurts, hang-ups, and habits, that victory over them may help others as they see Your power at work in changing my life. Help me to do Your will always. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen…thanks for letting me share.

-gravyjmm

ROCK OUT IN THE NAME OF THE LORD

I love "Old School" bands that are Christians that rocked out to the Lord like this. Whatever happened to this kind a music?

-gravyjmm

always something here to remind me

As I sit here in my office and do what I do, I take a gander at my shelf and begin to look at some of my notebooks from back in the day at college. I particularly (Viva Dr. Bob) take a look at my Western Civilianization note book and I began to gaze over my notes and some papers that I wrote. WOW! As I look at what I wrote, I wander why I took that class. I took that class when I was 20 and I didn’t seem too interested in doing anything productive expect doodling and writing B.S. In fact as I think about if in the late 1990’s they gave award for greatest BS’er and “biggest waste of college loan money”… I would have received that award. I really wish I could go back in time and kick the junk out of myself, just an old fashioned butt whooping when I was 18, 19, 20, 21, years old…what a joke I was and man who did I think I was. I am so glad God kicked my tail and grew me up some. To quote my son “I growed up”, well I am not entirely there but I am certainly now living an honest unmasked life. Sometimes it’s good to have a reminder of what you were once; it certainly keeps me humble and reminds me of what my life is in my own hands instead of God’s hands. Most importantly it keeps me from pride and reminds me that I’m sick and I am nothing without Jesus. To quote a band that has naked eyes, "Always something here to remind me"...Thanks for the reminder!
-gravyjmm