I'm sick so here's a some funny bulletin bloopers

I always seem to get sick this time of year with the stupid cold/flu thing. My old thinking was this is really inconvenient…I can’t do this, I can’t touch this, blah, blah, blah. My thinking this time was…hey I can rest which I got very little because we have a puppy that believes his daddy’s arm is his teething bone. Any-the-way, needless to say I’m using Lysol. Since I am sick and have a major brain fog issue…as the GBH has always told me, “Dude you have random thoughts.” Here are some of my favorite church bulletin bloppers:

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
• The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
• The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
• During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
• Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
• On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
• Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

My personal favorite
• Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Here’s one from our bulletin back in the day around 2001: we normally would have a bold message in our bulletin that read “Pantry needs” only this one time it read “Panty needs” which all of our seniors were red in the face.
-Gravy jmm