Being Real

They say in recovery that it will be worse before it gets better…what options do I really have…I could go back and stay in my struggles or continue the journey through the desert and up mount Everest. Why can’t life be like that Staples commercial, push the “easy” button? Of course the reality is…there is no “easy” button. There is a minister friend of mine that once said that in his 17 years of ministry, he learned 2 things…I thought he was going to say something that rocked but instead his said, ”God is great and life is painful.” Everyday is different for me and I have come to find out that I have limits. I once thought that I was strong and could do things on my own and all it got me was into a celebrate recovery program. Actually truth be known, I really acted for many years…I enjoyed wearing a mask because I didn’t have to be real and be held accountable. It was easy to hide behind a religious spirit. I finally couldn’t run or hide anymore. I was found out. I was a broken man. I thought I was on way to a mental institute, really. For the first time in my life, I am real. For the first time in my life, I don’t care anymore about pleasing people. For the first time in my life, I am transparent and not a Pharisee. For the first time in my life, I am finally dealing with everything that I’ve stuffed for 28 years. For the first time in my life, I am admitting all my wrongs and accepting life for what it is. For the first time in my life, I am no longer pointing my finger. For the first time in my life, I have really given up and surrendered. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to medicate with anything and I want to face my issues. For the first time in my life, I am finally joyful and grateful. For the first time in my life, I want to know God intimately. For the first time in my life, I am willing to be used by God. For the first time in my life, I no longer want to think that it is the world according to James. I thought for awhile that God’s will for me was to go back to Bible college and get my degree…I know now that I needed recovery…I have learned more about God and His purpose for me since I started looking in the mirror and got serious about recovery from my hurts, habits, and hang-ups. God is awesome and I love Him so much…I am so thankful that He knocked me off my feet and showed me how insane I really was…I am thankful that He finally broke down my walls and I finally let Him come into all of my life. It feels good to walk around weightless for the first time. Thanks for letting me share.
-Gravy jmm